How Jesus can help you build good relationships 🤗

It’s good to talk. We’re built for it and talking to one another helps us build good relationships.

And Jesus can show us how to do it…

Since the beginning Jesus was in a deep and committed relationship with His Father and the Spirit (Jn 1: 1-5). And He brought His Heavenly relationship-building skills with Him to Earth on that first Christmas day.

Jesus was an excellent relationship builder and spent a lot of time with people teaching (e.g. Luke 21: 37), discipling (e.g. Luke 6: 12-16), comforting (e.g. Jn 14: 1-4, Jn 11: 17), helping (Mark 7: 32, Matt 12: 9-14), socialising (Jn 2: 1-2) and more. He simply loved people:

“While Jesus was having dinner at Matthew’s house many tax collectors and sinners came and ate with Him and His disciples…” – Matt 9: 10-11 (NIV)

He met with people from all of life’s circumstances and invites everyone into relationship with Him. When His dear friend Lazarus died, “Jesus wept” (Jn 11: 35). He truly formed deep and lasting bonds with those he loved.

And we’re created in His image (Gen 1: 26) so we also need relationships – both with God and with one another.

I’ve outlined before how talking with God can help us deepen our relationship with Him, particularly when you’re outside in nature with the freedom to chat with Him as you would a friend.

Here I share one of my own relationship-building experiences with a group of inner city teens in the great outdoors for the first time. Also the positive impact it had and some helpful takeaways for you…

How to develop good relationships

My experience in the Scottish wilderness

It was a dry if slightly overcast June day near Loch Tay and the minibus had just pulled up: “Do we have to? Walking’s so bo-oring” came the cry from the back.

I was co-leading this group of inner city teens from Glasgow on their first residential trip in the countryside. I understood they’d be apprehensive, but nothing had prepared me for what actually happened.

We started off at a shuffle with much groaning and grunting, but then one lad picked up his pace and wouldn’t slow down. In protest one of the girls took of her boots, sat down and refused to move any further.

Marvellous!

While we did get the lad to stop eventually (somehow I grabbed his interest by showing him mosses and bugs, which gave the rest of the group chance to catch up) and the bootless wonder did move eventually, our walk was cut rather short. It turned into an extended picnic as that was about all the group would do.

So you might think it was a disaster.

It wasn’t…

On the way back, probably because they knew the end was near, it became pleasant amble and some of the kids began opening up about difficult situations in their lives. I hadn’t expected that, but how wonderful. Something about being in nature, walking and the chance to talk freely had begun to work its magic.

So what was going on…?

The benefits of walking in nature

As well as improving your physical health, walking increases wellbeing and helps fight against stress and depression. As you start moving, feel-good endorphins are released into your bloodstream. You may also get a surge of cortisol if you exercise vigorously, but this will decrease quickly afterwards restoring balance to your system and you’ll be able to handle stress better.

“If a medication existed which had a similar effect to physical activity [like walking], it would be regarded as a ‘wonder drug’ or a ‘miracle cure’” – Liam Donaldson, England’s Chief Medical Officer, 2010

And there’s growing evidence that walking in nature is especially good for you (e.g. The Nature Fix, Shinrin Yoku). Mild to moderate exercise outside will actively decrease your cortisol levels because nature takes you away from micro-stressors like technology and man-made noise. And a study by Gregory Bratman and colleagues has shown it stops you brooding (i.e. going over and over all that’s wrong with yourself and your life).

Perhaps walking in nature had relaxed my group without them realising. So the young lad started to enjoy learning about the landscape and the bootless girl eventually got moving. Were they feeling more at ease as walking in nature took its effect, letting them share a little of their lives with me? In recent years walking therapy has certainly become popular as it helps people to talk…

The benefits of talking with others

Talking is a great tension-release valve.

Talking your troubles over with trusted others can help you stay in good mental health and cope with life. It’s a healthy, adaptive coping mechanism that can protect against anxiety, depression and feelings of isolation.

I can testify to the power of talking as this, in large part, helped me recover from depression. Initially it was with a therapist but I’ve now learned to share with friends and family before things spiral out of control.

Just being listened to can help you feel supported and less alone. Social interations, however small or large, help us feel connected, loved, part of something larger than ourselves.

So don’t let the dark winter months stop you being social…

Some ideaas how you can maintain good relationships this season

Why not try a few of these ideas to develop your relationships and maintain a healthy wellbeing right now:

1. Eat meals together, have coffee with a friend, play games together in your home. Meeting over food has always been an important part of life. And it doesn’t have to be anything large or complicated (although it can be if you’d like). Simply meet in a place of your choosing with the people or person you want to, and eat what you want. If you choose to gather in your homes you’ll have the added benefit of everyone’s body heat helping to cut energy costs!
2. Make the most of winter parties. Christmas is coming, it’ll soon be the New Year, and many solstice-related things happen during the darker months. So if you’re the party-type, enjoy!
3. Don’t forget to get outside. I know it’s easy not to on a grey, chilly day. But as I’ve already shared, the benefits are huge. To have something to aim for you could pick a pub, walk to it for a yummy lunch then walk back again. There’s nothing like a roaring fire, pint in your hand and a hot pie on the table after a brisk walk across the fields.

And if you’re feeling alone right now, I hear you. For these times remember, Jesus is always with you. He is always there to talk and wants to take your burdens:

“Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Come to me. I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis.” – Matt 11: 28 (TPT)

He will always be with you whatever you’re facing, is always ready for a conversation and desires a good relationship with you. He loves you so much He will never leave you (Deut 31:8).

God bless xx