Should Christians always be happy?
Interesting question.
This post outlines what I believe and why. I hope it will help you to flourish in your faith and to help others do so too…
My early experiences of Christians – happiness rules!
Growing up, church and Christians didn’t feature in my early life. The only experiences I had were through school carol services and brownie/guide events for Remembrance Sunday. But as a teenager, I attended some of a friend’s church youth club events and they all seemed quite happy people. Then when I became a Christian myself, I entered into a happy world of happy people that had happy lives (or so it seemed), and I wanted it too.
But it also made me think that’s how a Christian should always be. Even if you have huge challenges in life. There are even Bible verses that seem to confirm it* e.g:
“Happy are the people whose God is the Lord” – Ps 144:15 (NCV)
“I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete” – John 15:11 (NIV)
“Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice!” – Phil 4:4 (NIV)
So what do you do when you don’t feel happy most of the time? When I had depression I couldn’t help wondering:
- Is there something wrong with me?
- Do I lack faith?
- If I was a good enough Christian surely I wouldn’t be depressed?
- Am I not praying enough?
- Am I being punished for something?
- Etc…
Although I went through the motions of going to church, life group and other church events, I didn’t feel like I should. I felt like an imposter and couldn’t talk to anyone about my feelings for fear they’d confirm my negative beliefs. I’d sit there, sometimes with suicidal thoughts battering my mind. Yet everyone else was joyfully bouncing around. How could I share in that environment?
It’s not that people didn’t know I had depression or didn’t try and help me. More that I couldn’t open up and share the whole truth to get the support I needed. All I saw around me were happy people who loved the Lord, so I assumed I should be happy too if I loved Jesus properly. I thought I wasn’t a good enough Christian and pretended all was well.
It was only sheer stubbornness that made me persevere. I believe now that the Holy Spirit gave me that perseverence so I wouldn’t fall away from Jesus. But many people do. Because they don’t know what to do with their difficult feelings.
So I had to ask…
Are Christians really always happy?
Being in church while depressed, where the focus was often on joy, was hard. It permeated the congregation and felt overwhelming at times^.
And it also felt inauthentic.
So I refused to believe Christians were always happy.
After all we’re only human and God gave us a variety of emotions so we could experience life to it’s fullest. How can you know what happiness is unless you’ve been sad? How can you feel joy if you’ve not experienced pain?
Jesus felt all sorts of emotions including deep sadness and grief when His friend Lazarus died (John 11:35). And other Bible characters showed a variety of feelings too:
- Elijah was depressed under a tree (1 Kings 19:4)
- Jeremiah lamented in the Book of Lamentations
- David composed a whole ream of psalms expressing everything from sadness, grief, confusion and fear, to awe, happiness, love and calmness.
And God encouraged them to express their emotions. This meant they could deal with their feelings appropriately and move forward well. When Elijah was in the cave, God let him talk first so ultimately he could get back to the task in hand (1 Kings 19:9-19).
So if God has always encouraged people to share their feelings, there’s surely room for Christians to express the full range of emotions today…
It’s OK to express yourself
It’s good to express yourself. Perhaps not in the way Madonna so famously sang it, but I do believe we should be free to be open about our thoughts, feelings and emotions. Both in church and with the church.
Sure, there are are right and wrong ways to do this, and different approaches may be wise at different times (and I would hope our leaders can help us manage this well). But I also believe there’s too much emphasis in some Christian communities on happiness or joy at the expense of everything else.
It’s good to hear testimonies of things going well for people because this genuinely happens. But it’s also helpful to hear from Christians who are struggling because that’s real too. We can then stand with one another in prayer, kind words and acts (Col 3:12; Gal 6:2; 1 Pet 3:8).
Balance is key.
We need to hear positive testimonies because it builds faith, but if that’s all you ever hear and you’re struggling with something, it can make you wonder why the good stuff only happens to others. You may feel you’re the only one with problems and lose hope altogether!
So should Christians always be happy?
No!
Let’s get away from that mindset and accept we’re humans that experience a range of emotions. If we can learn to come alongside others better and open up about our own struggles in the right way, it will help everyone. It’s what we’re called to do as a the body of Christ (Eccl 4:9-12). It’s real love (John 13:34).
If you’re wondering how to do this, here’s my top tip:
Let’s stop being so British…
We all need to be aware that what we see of people is not always the truth, or at least not the whole truth. Perhaps that bubbly worship leader is putting on a mask because it’s the only way they can ignore a crippling anxiety that would otherwise keep them at home. Or maybe the person sat next to you praising God so vocally is only doing so because it stops them dwelling on how “useless and terrible” they feel.
We need to get alongside people, get to know them properly and ask if they’re really OK. Simply saying, “How are you?” and accepting the response, “I’m fine,” does not always cut it. At times I’ve felt like I was dying inside. But when I said, “I’m OK,” in what I thought was an obviously pathetic voice, the person I was talking to just accepted it and nothing changed.
Sometimes we can be so British!
There are those of us who are hurting but keep the stiff upper lip, unable to admit things aren’t good. And there are those who assume what someone says is the whole truth (or might be afraid to go deeper…) and miss being able to help a struggling person.
If you find it hard to know what to say why not try this as you chat to people?
You: “How are you today?”
Them: “Good thanks, you?”
You: “Yeah, OK. You know I’m always here for you if you ever wanted to talk?”
Then the person you’re talking to has the opportunity to open up…
Them: “Thanks, I’ve been feeling a bit overwhelmed recently.”
And you can keep the conversation going…
You: “Me too. Want to talk about it?”
And get real
In the words of Pete Scazzero:
“Emotions are the language of the soul, they are the cry that gives the heart a voice…”
And without sharing from our hearts, truly expressing ourselves, how can we be the authentic, loving body of Christ? Let’s get real folks!
What’s your experience of church and Christian communities been like? Have you felt able to share openly and honestly about your feelings? Do comment below if you feel able and let’s keep this conversation going… 👇🏼
[Note* When read in context and in line with other parts of the Bible these verses do not actually say Christians should always be happy. I simply found it easy at certain points in my life to make the text fit what I thought was right based on my current experiences and limited Bible knowledge.] [Note^ This was my church experience for a while. I’m in no way saying all churches are like this.]